Every word we choose to describe a person carries a history -- of power, of shame, of
resistance, of reclamation. When we get the language wrong, even without meaning to,
we can make someone feel invisible, reduced, or unsafe. When we get it right, we give
them something extraordinarily simple and extraordinarily rare: the feeling of being
seen.
This article is for anyone who has ever felt genuinely confused -- not hostile, just
confused -- about the vocabulary surrounding gender identity and sexual orientation. It
is for the parent trying to understand their child, the HR professional drafting a new
policy, the journalist writing a profile, the friend who wants to say the right thing but is
not sure what that is. It is written without condescension, without jargon, and without
the assumption that getting it wrong makes you a bad person. It makes you a person who
has more to learn. That is true of all of us.
We will move through the terrain carefully: what the words mean, where they came
from, how they have changed, and how to apply them respectfully in everyday life. Along
the way, we will explore what all of this means for India, a country whose relationship
with gender diversity is simultaneously ancient and, in its modern legal form, startlingly
new.
Before we can understand the vocabulary, we need to understand that four distinct
things are often conflated when people talk about gender and sexuality. They are not the
same, though they can intersect in complex ways.
Biological sex refers to the physical and chromosomal characteristics a person is born
with -- typically described as male, female, or intersex. It is a biological reality, though it
is more variable than most school textbooks acknowledge.
Gender identity is a persons internal, deeply felt sense of who they are; whether man,
woman, both, neither, or something else entirely. It lives in the mind and the self, not the
body.
Gender expression is how a person presents themselves to the world: through
clothing, mannerisms, voice, and behaviour. A man who wears nail varnish is making a
choice about expression, not necessarily making a statement about his identity.
Sexual orientation refers to the pattern of emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction a
person experiences: towards men, women, both, neither, or others.
These four things are independent. A person can be biologically female, identify as a
woman, dress in traditionally masculine clothing, and be attracted to other women. Or
any other combination. The vocabulary we are exploring exists because human beings
are, in their inner lives, genuinely varied; and because that variety deserves names that
honour it rather than erase it.
The Evolution of the Names
Many of the words used today to describe gender and sexual diversity were, at some
point in the recent past, either clinical terms used to pathologise, or slurs used to
dehumanise. The American Psychological Association removed homosexuality from its
list of mental disorders in 1973. The World Health Organisation did not do the same
until 1990 - meaning that for seventeen years, the worlds two leading health authorities
disagreed on whether being gay was an illness.
The word homosexual was coined in 1869 by Austro-Hungarian journalist Karl-Maria
Kertbeny, not as an insult, but as a neutral, clinical alternative to the language of sin and
crime that dominated at the time. By the 20th century, it had been absorbed by the
medical establishment and used to justify conversion therapies, institutionalisation, and
prosecution. Today, many members of the LGBTQ+ community find the word clinical
and cold. Most style guides now recommend gay or lesbian in its place -- unless the
person being described uses homosexual themselves.
Queer was, for most of the 20th century, a vicious slur; a word hurled at gay and
gender-nonconforming people to wound and humiliate. Beginning in the late 1980s and
accelerating through the 1990s, particularly during the AIDS crisis - began reclaiming it
deliberately, draining it of its power to harm by claiming it as a badge of pride. Today,
queer is widely used as both an umbrella term (covering anyone whose gender or
sexuality falls outside conventional norms) and as a personal identity. However, because
of its history, some older members of the community find the word painful and prefer
not to use it. This is not stubbornness, it is memory. The rule is simple: use it for yourself
if it fits; do not use it to describe others unless they use it first.
Transgender - often abbreviated as trans - describes a person whose gender identity
does not match the gender they were assigned at birth. It is an adjective, not a noun. One
says a transgender woman or a trans man, not a transgender or a transgendered
person (the d suffix implies that something was done to them, which is inaccurate).
‘Cisgender’ is a person whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at
birth. Most people are cisgender. The word was coined not to label a majority as unusual,
but to give a neutral counterpart to transgender.
‘Non-binary’ An umbrella term for gender identities that are not exclusively man or
woman. A non-binary person may feel like both, neither, somewhere in between, or
entirely outside the binary. It is a broad category with many variations.
‘Genderfluid’ is a person whose gender identity shifts or fluctuates over time --
sometimes feeling more masculine, sometimes more feminine, sometimes neither.
‘Agender’ is a person who does not identify with any gender at all -- who experiences
themselves as genderless or gender-neutral.
‘Bisexual’ is a person attracted to people of their own gender and of other genders. Bi
does not mean attracted to only two genders - it means attracted to similar and
different.
‘Pansexual’ is a person attracted to others regardless of gender. Some people prefer pan
over bi to emphasise that their attraction is not limited by the gender binary.
The acronym itself has expanded considerably over the years - from the original LGB
(Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual) to LGBT, then LGBTQ (adding Queer or Questioning), then
LGBTQ+ or LGBTQIA+ (adding Intersex and Asexual). The + is not a casual
afterthought; it is an acknowledgement that human sexual and gender diversity is
broader than any acronym can fully capture. Some organisations use the shorthand
LGBTQ+ for simplicity; others prefer the full LGBTQIA+ as a gesture of inclusion.
Neither is wrong.
Pronoun preferences: Many trans, non-binary, and genderqueer people use pronouns
other than he/him or she/her. Common alternatives include they/them (singular),
ze/hir, or xe/xem. Using someones correct pronouns is a basic courtesy, not a political
statement.
How to Address People Respectfully?
All of the theory above collapses into one practical act: how do you actually speak to and
about people in a way that is respectful? Here is a guide grounded not in ideology but in
basic human courtesy.
If someone introduces themselves as Rohan, use Rohan. If a trans woman tells you her
name is Priya - whether or not that is her legal name - use Priya. Referring to a trans
person by their birth name (their dead name, in community language) after they have
transitioned is considered deeply disrespectful, and for some, genuinely harmful.
If you are unsure which pronouns someone uses, the most respectful thing is to ask -
quietly, privately, and without making it a production. A natural way is to share your
own first: I use he/him, what about you? In professional settings, many organisations
now include pronoun fields in email signatures and introductions. This normalises the
practice for everyone.
If you are writing about a person whose gender you do not know, or speaking about
someone before you have had a chance to ask, use neutral language: they, the person,
the individual.
If someone corrects you, about their name, their pronouns, or a term you have used,
accept it with grace and without defensiveness. The correction is not an attack; it is an
invitation to do better. The appropriate response is Thank you for telling me, not Thats
so confusing or You cant blame me for not knowing. Language about identity should
follow the person, not precede them. When uncertain, ask. When corrected, listen. When
in doubt, use the most neutral option available. The goal is not to perform political
correctness; it is to make the person in front of you feel that they are being addressed as
they actually are.
One of the most common frustrations expressed by well-meaning people is that the
vocabulary keeps evolving. The language changes because understanding changes. When
communities gain more freedom to speak about their own experiences, they develop
more nuanced and accurate vocabulary for those experiences. When the old words carry
too much historical pain, new ones are forged. When a term turns out to be inaccurate or
reductive, a better one replaces it. This is how language has always worked; in science, in
medicine, in every field where knowledge deepens over time.
The purpose of all this evolving vocabulary is not to create a set of rules for policing
conversation, nor to establish a hierarchy of correctness in which some people are
perpetually guilty of getting it wrong. Its purpose is simpler and more human than that:
to give every person the words they need to describe themselves accurately; and to give
everyone around them the tools to respond to that description with respect.
Words are not everything. But they are not nothing, either. A person who is addressed by
their correct name, in the right pronoun, without being reduced to a diagnosis or a slur,
is a person who has been told, in the most basic possible way: I see you. You are here.
You are real. That is not a small thing. For many people, it is everything.
